I Don’t Feel Sick Anymore

I was in love before. We suffocated each other to the point where everything went numb and the memories started to disappear like a shadow during the last taste of sunset. It’s been months on end and I’m just realizing that I was in love with you. You remind me of summertime and red eyes, I can still hear the bass rattle in my car. It’s quite difficult to sit inside these memories and know that’s all that we have left of each other. You’re still so beautiful to me.

I can’t believe that you’ve seen me naked, I’m not talking about my curves nor my scars nor the veins in my chest. We used to sit in a comfortable silence or fill the space with wide thoughts. We’re such different versions now.

Back then you felt like a close friend of mine. The heat would stick to our skin, we thought we could just walk away and we wouldn’t have to feel any of it. Except our legs never took to moving. I used to get so nauseous around you, my head a constant kick drum, “I need to quit smoking”.

Well it’s nearly spring and my heart’s still beating, just not for you anymore. I don’t feel sick anymore. It was never you that was making me green. It was a sickness that poured from my insides out, a contagious ache that I spilled all over you. My legs started moving in a rhythm of gentle music the day that I chose myself, the day I was over feeling ill. The day that I stopped taking you like medicine.